Everything Heavy Metal: Interview: Jordan Cult from Thoreous

Interview: Jordan Cult from Thoreous



Interview Though Email with: Jordan Cult


Can you give a short history of the band?
     "The recipe of this sodomized boys' choir has always been a fuckin’ trade secret. What can be disclosed is that it stems from an occult semen donation of a Babylonian shoplifter who decided not to commit suicide after talking four hours to an eight headed prays fraxinella on a Thursday seven a.m. It is also rumoured that the ghost of Mrs. Fraxinella’s hermaphroditic granddaughter lost an important poetry slam with Helen Hanfstaengl back in 1923 and later became a dycon of Mick Mouz’s transsexual flagellatrice – the Bear Jew – a pink pepper zealot. After been recognized as a dolly-butt-plug called “SS fool" in 1976 it vainly tried to catch the public’s attention by a 2003 found subsidiary of the batty boy underground organisation URY. The problem of that useless afro-judeo emo-maiden a cappella technocombo was not confined to the fact that both founder-wimps haven’t been managing to play their instruments properly to date. The pale-faced ne'er-do-well pickle smokers even failed butchering their flutes so that you even could not call it crutch-play-noise of anus-tickling knife-dance or some such. What remained was a foolish kinda late-M-mood bill-shut. You
know what happens to class clown’s failing to challenge attention: Necessity begets ingenuity!! Let’s call this the Old Testament’s summary."

     After The New Testament can shortly be described as a recording of four and a half times demonstrating how to beat their meat by blustering silly & soiling their pants with children's songs, the two sinners unearthed Double O status in collaboration with a hairy drudge on 2007’s MC “Modern Prays from the Olden Babylon” (Bubonic Doom). 2008 those bollocksed bastards established scruffy fuss on “Der Letzte Lässt Das Licht Aus” which was superb buttsex still hurting unreleased (to happen any time soon). Not until later in 2011 all re-fingered singsongs of the 07’s been wasted as the triple-EP-compilation “Acroedema Syndrome Cycle” (Bubonic Doom)."


How would you describe your band?
     "During the week it’s pretty much like cringeworthy mucky pups farting in a hurricane. From Monday to Sunday it feels more like pitiful wannabes frowning like pranksters believin’ the crispy cunnies are crazy for some dirty words. For the remainder of this week we’re just small-time boneheads mock marketing the band with pathetic English, the aid of aggressive self-abasement and an official announcement that this interview will be the lyrics for the 10th anniversary album. Strewth! Cheapo angel Wont: “You promised you'd never tell”; Cheapo angel Toot: “Shut the fuck up!” The rest of the time we use to unmask a veracious kneeslapping barrage of punchlines by admitting that we’re only pluralizing ourselves to hide the fact that we’ve actually been reduced to a one-man show, which abuses this goddam interview for the notice that we’re actually looking for new band pussies. Wanna be a honeybee? Getbusy and join us!"

What are some of the bands that influenced the band's music?
      "We’re basically inspired by musicians like Dany la Katzenburger, Carmen Geiß, Älexänder Märcüs, Ämigös, Icke und Er, Hegel Schneider and Lüdo Lindenzwerg. Musically we’re inspired by the sounds of classics like Wirr Sind Helden, Band Ohne Samen, Altar Schützt Vor Torheit Nicht, as well as quite uncharted styles from e.g. Schiss Uff Anders Dudel, 7höRä0ü5 Deutscht Töricht or Klotzpülung 689 Bösexmösex."

What is the message behind your music?
     "Given the announcement above, there is no doubt that the words in use here themselves provide evidence of the fact that all this is about the eeriness of idiosyncratic selfreferentiality: There's no way around; and since I'm here let me install this quote straightaway as the message of the anniversary tape. But to be honest, the real message is a sound massage. As we love to be a prude in the sübcültürsäünäsä with Christian fundamentalist headlamps to paste dino stickers on militant pacifists preventing intellectual movements from being woehumbled by the möönlight jölly-clüb making point mütations to evilsätän & franzbrötchen language-games, we should emphasize that we’ve only come to make müsic ‘cause we didn’t found the fitting one out there. The enjoyment of ourselves used ever to be the sole claim; what fuckin’ else should we care? – Oh shit, forgive me, I didn’t check my bank account today… ähmm can you wait a minute? My bread stinks like grandma’s fucker!"


When should we expect a full-length album?
     "In something like a middle-term there should be the releasing of “Der Letzte Lässt Das Licht Aus” as well as the anniversary garbage, which ironically is being constructed right now, even as we speak and in the true sense of the word, if you take my meaning… For now there’s the split “The Grace of Pettiness” with slack rockin’ Black Crow King to be released via Bad God Music, which is gonna self-pityingly mindfuckin’ the daisies’ hop-hip with hindoo doom reggae cock’ oh jam-boo and the whole caboodle. Son of a bitch, we’re so god-awful fun this early late-night nappy bucket… we're the utmost stale moll of mother suckin’ yehööääiüüiiiiii of the germanophone kröhnkite…"
















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